just dust.

From dust you came and to dust you shall return. The season of Lent is coming up this Wednesday and I am so excited about it. It's a time of remembering that we are just dust and then Easter comes around and we remember that God died for us, even though we are only dust! Brennan Manning explains in his book "Posers, Fakers, & Wannabees", that Lent is... "a symbol of admitting our failures and weaknesses and renewing our attempt at trusting God through thick and thin..." I really hope as I give up junk food and diet pepsi this year, that I will be aware of all that I continue to keep from God and try to control in my life and remember how great God's redemption and grace is.. and that it's for me, even though I'm dust.

my valentines.

Usually, Valentine's Day is not the greatest for all us single ladies. But thankfully, that was not the case for me. Ever since my very first year of pre-school, my daddy has sent me flowers to school. Just what a little girl wants from her daddy, to be noticed and told she's loved. This year, they made it all the way to Springfield! So grateful to have a dad who makes me feel so special. My mom also sent me a little something in the mail. A pocket-card filled with ten reasons that she loves me. They are amazing parents. I am so blessed!

Embrace the Row.

Six friends of mine and I had the wonderful opportunity to serve in LA a couple of weeks ago. We headed down to Cali super early in the morning on a Tuesday and came back the next Sunday with an incredible experience. Our week started out on Skid Row. If you are unfamiliar with the area, it is a few block radius filled with over 7,000 homeless people. After 10pm everynight, the people down there line up their tents and blankets side by side filling the street's sidewalks. (If you would like a good picture of it, watch "The Soloist"). There are several missions on Skid Row. Many of them, like the two we served at, provided more than just food and shelter, but also life-skills classes, parenting classes, transitional housing, GED courses, and all sorts of other parts that make up a beautiful program of restoration. My favorite part of these organizations is that the men and women they are providing services for usually help out/run the jobs in the program. We had the opportunity to work with some of these people in the kitchen and were therefore able to hear some amazing stories!

If I could summarize what this trip was to me in one word it would be "overwhelming". There was so much to be broken over. The people we encountered had so many needs of all different natures... emotional, physical, spiritual... and everyone was at different places in their lives but in need of healing in all of those areas. I have never felt so helpless. This incredibly emotional realization reminded me just how great and lifechanging and beautiful the hope is that I have in Jesus and that people truly do need hope.

snapshots of LA.

This was the group. Josh, Emily, Tamara, Leah, Sarah, Me, Kyle.

Lots of reminders of how big God is.. mountains AND ocean!

My favorite! Got to chill with Batman down in Hollywood and it only cost me $1!

Got to learn from and hangout with the coolest youth pastor.


Met some really cool people like Jason. And ate some good food: Roscoe's chicken & waffles!

We had Starbucks like six times on this trip.. always a good thing!

Made some new friends and served with these cool kids from Pismo.

Heard some amazing stories about God's redemption in peoples lives.


A new favorite and tasty food that we also had a few times!

Left for LA at 3:30am and Left for home around 5:00am.. totally worth the lack of sleep!

cutest godson ever.

I would just like to brag right now and say that I have the most adorable godson ever! This is my Gavin Thomas. He is now 7months old and he is the best baby! I got to spend a whole bunch of time with him at Thanksgiving and he just giggles and smiles at everything. I also was able to be a part of his dedication! So thankful to have him in my life.
(picture credit goes to Pam Cooley)

velvet elvis.

Seriously, this book just amazes me. Rob Bell is incredibly wise and gives a great, different perspective on God and life with God. This book covers a whole bunch of great stuff and it's hard to choose favorites. I'm almost mad that I finished the book because there is so much to learn! He talks about what it looks like to be Jesus' disciple and to view him as our Rabbi and what his "yoke" is, and faith and our freedom in Christ, and about truth and the Bible, and the art of questioning, and about our identity and how we are new creations, and bringing God's Kingdom here... It's all good! I'm sure if I read it again, I'd find several completely new things to learn. Rob Bell definitely looks at things from a different perspective that is challenging. I recommend that as you read, do so slowly so that you do not miss out on anything!

".. maybe it means teaching people to use their eyes to see things that have always been there; they just didn't realize it.. so the issue isn't so much taking Jesus to people who don't have him, but going to a place and pointing out to the people there the creative, life-giving God who is already present in their midst." (Rob Bell "Velvet Elvis" p.88)

beloved.

Coming to Missouri State and being on my own has probably been one of the most challenging, and life-changing experiences I've ever had. To leave all that is comfortable: my Christian High School, my Trinity Church, my parents, my friends.. All of these things provided safety and certainty for me. At MSU, however, my comfort, my safety, my certainty all left. I began school in a position of questioning what I believe and why I believed it. I was forced to see my life just as me and God and without all of the wonderful support I had before. It was now time for me to seek out whether God was my Lord or my imaginary friend. Through a whole bunch of questions, changes, fear, skepticism, Scripture, prayer, and honesty, God showed up! Not entirely sure if I've ever known truly that I am LOVED by my Heavenly Father. I've atleast never understood it so clearly before. But, as I was on a date with Jesus last week, He changed my entire perspective on our relationship. I am a beloved daughter of the Creator of everything. I now have my identity. I am Christ's and He is mine. I am a new creation with a new life that is full and has purpose. I did absolutely nothing to earn, achieve, or accomplish these beautiful things. I only have them because God loves ME.

proud fake sister.

from left: My buddy Jarred, Me, Fake Brother Jackson

This week has been very academically challenging. I have studied over 20 hours for three different test! So, my wonderful moma gave me some gas money to head home for two days (since I am still jobless and can't yet pay for my own gas). It was great seeing my family and going to church. But since it was in the middle of the week, I was able to go see my high school's play on Thursday! I use to be very involved with these every single year. The cast and crew members are all like family to me. I had so much fun catching up with all of them! I forget how special they all are to me. There is one particular person that was very good to see and that I am very proud of and that is my "fake brother" Jackson. He played Seppi (the play was Heidi) and he was the comic relief of the show. He did so great! Jackson is the coolest kid ever and I miss speding time with him. I'm a very proud "fake sister".

halloween blowout.

the sweet dance floor and dj table.. picture about 90 people crammed in here dancing like crazy!

me and my best friend Kelsey: Sporty Spice and Scary Spice

The Spice Girls!! from L: Sporty(Kelsey), Ginger(Sandra), Scary(Me), Posh(Erica), Baby(Hanna)

Halloween was the best night ever!! Me and six of my friends got to plan a big Halloween party for the campus ministry I'm a part of called "Campus Crusade" (Cru). Our freshman group is called "Frosh" and we were in charge of decorating and getting food. The party was at the Cru guys' house (The Nut House). They set up a sweet DJ table! And about 90 of us danced from 8 till midnight. It was craziness and seriously the best time I've had so far at college! Me and my four other friends were the Spice Girls.. it was so fun!!

dumpster diving.

I think "Dumpster Diving" is the most fun thing to do.. ever! This is what you do.. drive to stores, look/get in the dumpsters, and take the wonderful things they waste! It's super. I went with some friends a few weeks ago for the first time. We got some things to sell in a garage sale and we got "in trouble" with a cop. It was very fun. So, I decided to take my Springfield friends! Lisa, April, Maggie, and Me went last weekend to at least 20 stores. I think we picked a day just after trash pick up because we couldn't find much. BUT we found a cute, fake pumpkin, some paint, and a few figurines! Two things to remember when dumpster diving: bring a flashlight and gloves and don't go in the "crushers". Everyone should do it!

learning.

This is what I'm learning.. God is patient and big and just wants me to return to him.. no matter how far I go or what I do. He is always just longing for me and pursuing me. I have an ugly side. I mess up a lot. Yet, God still wants me and pursues me. Isn't that amazing? I'm learning who God is and in that I'm learning that I am loved. Now that I am starting to understand "being" loved, I am beginning to understand what it looks like "to" love. So thankful for God's love. So thankful to be learning in the grace of a patient, big, jealous God.

chicago with my friend.

Last weekend, me and my wonderful friend Anna went to Chicago. As I have said before, every good road trip must begin with Starbucks.. especially at 5 in the morning! We drove from St. Louis to Chicago in about 5 hours and only made a few stops.. we did good and were in the city by 10:30!

This here is a picture of my cute friend Anna playing with the GPS. She liked it a lot.

This is a picture of me kissing my future husband Michael Buble!! We found his NEW CD at Starbucks and I screamed because he's just wonderful! So we bought it and listened to it almost the entire way to Chicago.. Anna was very understanding.
This was pretty much the extent of our "site seeing".. the Bean. We did get to walk ALL OVER Chicago all day long and it was very fun. But, we didn't really go see the attractions that normal tourists visit.

This is my friend in Chicago. We think all of the buildings are so stinking cool and we had a lot of fun finding our way around.

And this is a picture of our friend and youth pastor Kyle. He ran the marathon that was taking place in Chicago that weekend. He was running for World Vision and raised a lot of money for them! We had a lot of fun haning out with him and his wife and the two other couples. Almost all of our time on Sunday was spent trying to find a way to see him during his run. That was probably our favorite part of the trip. We were successful two times! This picture is him about a mile away from the finish line! He finished and did a super great job!

Me and Anna had a lot of fun just being together. It was good to spend some time with my friend since I'm in college now and don't really get to be a big part of her life any more. She is one amazing girl.

kairos moment.

While in New York, I was challenged by my youth pastor to seek a "kairos moment". He explained this to be a "moment of crisis"; a time that you realize something is wrong or just that something needs to be changed.. and then you change it. Being in college feels a lot like being shoved into a whole mess of things I didn't expect. Almost every idea I've had about MSU and building relationships here and serving the people around me and trusting God with everything and being like Jesus to the people on this campus seems unattainable. I almost feel like I'm being laughed at. To think that I could do any of that on my own. But I wanted to! I wanted to make my family proud and my friends at home proud. I wanted to show people who Jesus is and I wanted to feel complete with it just being me and Jesus in this world. After this failed, I realized something... That I'M the one trying to do ALL of those things on MY OWN... Jesus wasn't the one in control. Although my intentions were still good, they were also still MY intentions. I had my own plan and the plan failed. This is my kairos moment: I am trying to control my life. God needs to be the leader. I need to trust in his plan and purpose for my life. My worth does not come from what I do, but Whose I am. Nothing good can come or has ever come from me alone. It has all been by God and it will always be by God. Knowing this now is both freeing and scary. I'm clinging to Psalm 18 (read below!).

Psalm 18

Psalms 18: 1-33, 50.

I love you, God- you make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live,

my rescuing knight. My God- the high crag where I run for dear life,

hiding behind boulders, safe in the granite hideout.

I sing to god, the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe and saved.

The hangman's noose was tight at my throat, devil waters rushed over me. Hell's ropes cinched me tight; death traps barred every exit.

A hostile world! I call to God, I cry to God to help me.

From his palace he hears my call; my cry brings me into his presence-

a private audience!

Earth wobbles and lurches; huge mountains shake like leaves, quake like aspen leaves because of his rage. His nostrils flare, bellowing smoke; his mouth spits fire. Tongues of fire dart in and out; he lowers the sky. He steps down; under his feet an abyss opens up. He's riding a winged creature, swift on wind-wings. Now he's wrapped himself in a trenchcoat of black cloud darkness. But his cloud-brightness bursts through, spraying hailstones and fireballs. Then God thundered out of heaven; the High God gave a great shout, spraying hailstones and fireballs. God shoots his arrows-pandemonium! He hurls his lightnings- a rout! The secret sources of ocean are exposed, the hidden depths of the earth lie uncovered the moment you roar in protest, let loose your hurricane anger.

But me he caught-reached all the way from sky to sea;

he pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning.

They hit me while I was down,

but God stuck by me.

He stood up on a wide-open field;

I stood there saved- surprised to be loved!

God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him.

When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start.

Now, I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted.

Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick.

I feel put back together,

and I'm watching my next step.

God rewrote the text of my life when I open the book of my heart to his eyes.

The good people taste your goodness, the whole people taste your health,

the true people taste your truth, the bad ones can't figure you out.

You take the side of the down-and-out, But the stuck-up you take down a peg.

Suddenly, God, you floodlight my life; I'm blazing with glory, God's glory!

I smash the bands of marauders, Ivault the highest fences.

What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth.

Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him...Makes it.

Is there any god like God?

Are we not at bedrock? Is this the God who armed me, then aimed me in the right direction?

Now I run like a deer; I'm king of the mountain. He shows me how to fight; I can bend a bronze bow! You protect me with salvation-armor; you hold me with a firm hand,

caress me with your gentle ways. You cleared the ground under me so my footing was firm.

God's chosen is beloved.

she is just great.

So I checked my college mailbox today and what did I find?! Well, there was a note that said "you have a package!" And in that package was the best surprise ever... My wonderful mommy sent me my favorite peanut butter with a smiley face spoon, an adorable picture of someone I love more than peanut butter and chocolate (my awesome little brother), and a super sweet note. I'd just like to point out that my mom is the greatest and has never failed at making me feel known, special, and loved. She is just great and I love her very much.

my new home.

In case anyone was wondering.... this is what my dorm room looks like (at least my side)! It's very spacious and we try to keep it clean. I actually try very hard to make my bed everyday. My roommate brought a sweet flat screen TV and we have cable and a dvd player and a mini-fridge and microwave too! All I have underneath my bed is two laundry baskets and a shoe organizer thing, so we don't have a lot of clutter either. I really like my room. Our dorm is in the middle of everything on campus (yummy dinning hall right across the street and student union is right next store and all my classes just around the corner!) and our room is only two flights of stairs up. I love it.

days like today.

Today was such a great day. My friend Jenn and I did all of our favorite things! First, we spent about an hour and a half at a used book store called "Redeemed". I bought three beautiful, old books. One is as old as 1898! It was so hard to limit myself. Then we went to a coffe shop called Sinatra's Coffee Gallery. They actually play Frank Sinatra and it was the cutest coffee shop ever (and delicious)! Then the two of us just drove around and found fun places to take pictures. A field, old barns, cows, signs, and doors are just a few of the things we captured. Afterwards, Jenn and I headed down town to walk around and ended up grabbing some coffee and listening to a very talented acoustic guitar player and singer. If I could describe a perfect day, it would look like the day I had today. The weather was gorgeous, I love books, coffee, jazz.. Frank Sinatra, taking pictures, beautiful scenery, the city, good music, and great company!

i'm in college.

Goodness.. I don't even know where to begin! Well, I am officially a college student.. just completed my first week of classes and I'm completely settled into my dorm. I absolutely love this campus and my classes! It's so great with professors that actually care and are passionate about what they teach! Makes a HUGE difference. AND there are so many things to do! Hopefully, I will be participating in Hall Council for my dorm "Freddy" as the Community Service Chair. And, I am also looking forward to being apart of the Student Activities Committee for the entire school body! Oh, and my roommate is awesome and her name is also Kelsey! We get along really well.

College has really been a rollercoaster of emotions. Saying goodbye to my parents and brother and my few really great friends was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do! Somedays have been good.. meeting friends and feeling as if I belong. But there have been a few moments that I feel unlikable and that making friends is something that will never happen or be easy. But wonderful people keep graciously reminding me that those things take time and it's only been one week. Other than those few moments, college has been awesome! I absolutely love going to classes and I have the greatest schedule! Taking naps is so stinking great... I don't even mind doing my dishes or my laundry! Being a big girl is very cool. I definitely feel as if I've grown up in the past week. I still have so much to say, but I think I'll space it out and put more fun pictures up.