kairos moment.

While in New York, I was challenged by my youth pastor to seek a "kairos moment". He explained this to be a "moment of crisis"; a time that you realize something is wrong or just that something needs to be changed.. and then you change it. Being in college feels a lot like being shoved into a whole mess of things I didn't expect. Almost every idea I've had about MSU and building relationships here and serving the people around me and trusting God with everything and being like Jesus to the people on this campus seems unattainable. I almost feel like I'm being laughed at. To think that I could do any of that on my own. But I wanted to! I wanted to make my family proud and my friends at home proud. I wanted to show people who Jesus is and I wanted to feel complete with it just being me and Jesus in this world. After this failed, I realized something... That I'M the one trying to do ALL of those things on MY OWN... Jesus wasn't the one in control. Although my intentions were still good, they were also still MY intentions. I had my own plan and the plan failed. This is my kairos moment: I am trying to control my life. God needs to be the leader. I need to trust in his plan and purpose for my life. My worth does not come from what I do, but Whose I am. Nothing good can come or has ever come from me alone. It has all been by God and it will always be by God. Knowing this now is both freeing and scary. I'm clinging to Psalm 18 (read below!).