cutest godson ever.

I would just like to brag right now and say that I have the most adorable godson ever! This is my Gavin Thomas. He is now 7months old and he is the best baby! I got to spend a whole bunch of time with him at Thanksgiving and he just giggles and smiles at everything. I also was able to be a part of his dedication! So thankful to have him in my life.
(picture credit goes to Pam Cooley)

velvet elvis.

Seriously, this book just amazes me. Rob Bell is incredibly wise and gives a great, different perspective on God and life with God. This book covers a whole bunch of great stuff and it's hard to choose favorites. I'm almost mad that I finished the book because there is so much to learn! He talks about what it looks like to be Jesus' disciple and to view him as our Rabbi and what his "yoke" is, and faith and our freedom in Christ, and about truth and the Bible, and the art of questioning, and about our identity and how we are new creations, and bringing God's Kingdom here... It's all good! I'm sure if I read it again, I'd find several completely new things to learn. Rob Bell definitely looks at things from a different perspective that is challenging. I recommend that as you read, do so slowly so that you do not miss out on anything!

".. maybe it means teaching people to use their eyes to see things that have always been there; they just didn't realize it.. so the issue isn't so much taking Jesus to people who don't have him, but going to a place and pointing out to the people there the creative, life-giving God who is already present in their midst." (Rob Bell "Velvet Elvis" p.88)

beloved.

Coming to Missouri State and being on my own has probably been one of the most challenging, and life-changing experiences I've ever had. To leave all that is comfortable: my Christian High School, my Trinity Church, my parents, my friends.. All of these things provided safety and certainty for me. At MSU, however, my comfort, my safety, my certainty all left. I began school in a position of questioning what I believe and why I believed it. I was forced to see my life just as me and God and without all of the wonderful support I had before. It was now time for me to seek out whether God was my Lord or my imaginary friend. Through a whole bunch of questions, changes, fear, skepticism, Scripture, prayer, and honesty, God showed up! Not entirely sure if I've ever known truly that I am LOVED by my Heavenly Father. I've atleast never understood it so clearly before. But, as I was on a date with Jesus last week, He changed my entire perspective on our relationship. I am a beloved daughter of the Creator of everything. I now have my identity. I am Christ's and He is mine. I am a new creation with a new life that is full and has purpose. I did absolutely nothing to earn, achieve, or accomplish these beautiful things. I only have them because God loves ME.

proud fake sister.

from left: My buddy Jarred, Me, Fake Brother Jackson

This week has been very academically challenging. I have studied over 20 hours for three different test! So, my wonderful moma gave me some gas money to head home for two days (since I am still jobless and can't yet pay for my own gas). It was great seeing my family and going to church. But since it was in the middle of the week, I was able to go see my high school's play on Thursday! I use to be very involved with these every single year. The cast and crew members are all like family to me. I had so much fun catching up with all of them! I forget how special they all are to me. There is one particular person that was very good to see and that I am very proud of and that is my "fake brother" Jackson. He played Seppi (the play was Heidi) and he was the comic relief of the show. He did so great! Jackson is the coolest kid ever and I miss speding time with him. I'm a very proud "fake sister".

halloween blowout.

the sweet dance floor and dj table.. picture about 90 people crammed in here dancing like crazy!

me and my best friend Kelsey: Sporty Spice and Scary Spice

The Spice Girls!! from L: Sporty(Kelsey), Ginger(Sandra), Scary(Me), Posh(Erica), Baby(Hanna)

Halloween was the best night ever!! Me and six of my friends got to plan a big Halloween party for the campus ministry I'm a part of called "Campus Crusade" (Cru). Our freshman group is called "Frosh" and we were in charge of decorating and getting food. The party was at the Cru guys' house (The Nut House). They set up a sweet DJ table! And about 90 of us danced from 8 till midnight. It was craziness and seriously the best time I've had so far at college! Me and my four other friends were the Spice Girls.. it was so fun!!

dumpster diving.

I think "Dumpster Diving" is the most fun thing to do.. ever! This is what you do.. drive to stores, look/get in the dumpsters, and take the wonderful things they waste! It's super. I went with some friends a few weeks ago for the first time. We got some things to sell in a garage sale and we got "in trouble" with a cop. It was very fun. So, I decided to take my Springfield friends! Lisa, April, Maggie, and Me went last weekend to at least 20 stores. I think we picked a day just after trash pick up because we couldn't find much. BUT we found a cute, fake pumpkin, some paint, and a few figurines! Two things to remember when dumpster diving: bring a flashlight and gloves and don't go in the "crushers". Everyone should do it!

learning.

This is what I'm learning.. God is patient and big and just wants me to return to him.. no matter how far I go or what I do. He is always just longing for me and pursuing me. I have an ugly side. I mess up a lot. Yet, God still wants me and pursues me. Isn't that amazing? I'm learning who God is and in that I'm learning that I am loved. Now that I am starting to understand "being" loved, I am beginning to understand what it looks like "to" love. So thankful for God's love. So thankful to be learning in the grace of a patient, big, jealous God.

chicago with my friend.

Last weekend, me and my wonderful friend Anna went to Chicago. As I have said before, every good road trip must begin with Starbucks.. especially at 5 in the morning! We drove from St. Louis to Chicago in about 5 hours and only made a few stops.. we did good and were in the city by 10:30!

This here is a picture of my cute friend Anna playing with the GPS. She liked it a lot.

This is a picture of me kissing my future husband Michael Buble!! We found his NEW CD at Starbucks and I screamed because he's just wonderful! So we bought it and listened to it almost the entire way to Chicago.. Anna was very understanding.
This was pretty much the extent of our "site seeing".. the Bean. We did get to walk ALL OVER Chicago all day long and it was very fun. But, we didn't really go see the attractions that normal tourists visit.

This is my friend in Chicago. We think all of the buildings are so stinking cool and we had a lot of fun finding our way around.

And this is a picture of our friend and youth pastor Kyle. He ran the marathon that was taking place in Chicago that weekend. He was running for World Vision and raised a lot of money for them! We had a lot of fun haning out with him and his wife and the two other couples. Almost all of our time on Sunday was spent trying to find a way to see him during his run. That was probably our favorite part of the trip. We were successful two times! This picture is him about a mile away from the finish line! He finished and did a super great job!

Me and Anna had a lot of fun just being together. It was good to spend some time with my friend since I'm in college now and don't really get to be a big part of her life any more. She is one amazing girl.

kairos moment.

While in New York, I was challenged by my youth pastor to seek a "kairos moment". He explained this to be a "moment of crisis"; a time that you realize something is wrong or just that something needs to be changed.. and then you change it. Being in college feels a lot like being shoved into a whole mess of things I didn't expect. Almost every idea I've had about MSU and building relationships here and serving the people around me and trusting God with everything and being like Jesus to the people on this campus seems unattainable. I almost feel like I'm being laughed at. To think that I could do any of that on my own. But I wanted to! I wanted to make my family proud and my friends at home proud. I wanted to show people who Jesus is and I wanted to feel complete with it just being me and Jesus in this world. After this failed, I realized something... That I'M the one trying to do ALL of those things on MY OWN... Jesus wasn't the one in control. Although my intentions were still good, they were also still MY intentions. I had my own plan and the plan failed. This is my kairos moment: I am trying to control my life. God needs to be the leader. I need to trust in his plan and purpose for my life. My worth does not come from what I do, but Whose I am. Nothing good can come or has ever come from me alone. It has all been by God and it will always be by God. Knowing this now is both freeing and scary. I'm clinging to Psalm 18 (read below!).

Psalm 18

Psalms 18: 1-33, 50.

I love you, God- you make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live,

my rescuing knight. My God- the high crag where I run for dear life,

hiding behind boulders, safe in the granite hideout.

I sing to god, the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe and saved.

The hangman's noose was tight at my throat, devil waters rushed over me. Hell's ropes cinched me tight; death traps barred every exit.

A hostile world! I call to God, I cry to God to help me.

From his palace he hears my call; my cry brings me into his presence-

a private audience!

Earth wobbles and lurches; huge mountains shake like leaves, quake like aspen leaves because of his rage. His nostrils flare, bellowing smoke; his mouth spits fire. Tongues of fire dart in and out; he lowers the sky. He steps down; under his feet an abyss opens up. He's riding a winged creature, swift on wind-wings. Now he's wrapped himself in a trenchcoat of black cloud darkness. But his cloud-brightness bursts through, spraying hailstones and fireballs. Then God thundered out of heaven; the High God gave a great shout, spraying hailstones and fireballs. God shoots his arrows-pandemonium! He hurls his lightnings- a rout! The secret sources of ocean are exposed, the hidden depths of the earth lie uncovered the moment you roar in protest, let loose your hurricane anger.

But me he caught-reached all the way from sky to sea;

he pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning.

They hit me while I was down,

but God stuck by me.

He stood up on a wide-open field;

I stood there saved- surprised to be loved!

God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him.

When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start.

Now, I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted.

Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick.

I feel put back together,

and I'm watching my next step.

God rewrote the text of my life when I open the book of my heart to his eyes.

The good people taste your goodness, the whole people taste your health,

the true people taste your truth, the bad ones can't figure you out.

You take the side of the down-and-out, But the stuck-up you take down a peg.

Suddenly, God, you floodlight my life; I'm blazing with glory, God's glory!

I smash the bands of marauders, Ivault the highest fences.

What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth.

Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him...Makes it.

Is there any god like God?

Are we not at bedrock? Is this the God who armed me, then aimed me in the right direction?

Now I run like a deer; I'm king of the mountain. He shows me how to fight; I can bend a bronze bow! You protect me with salvation-armor; you hold me with a firm hand,

caress me with your gentle ways. You cleared the ground under me so my footing was firm.

God's chosen is beloved.

she is just great.

So I checked my college mailbox today and what did I find?! Well, there was a note that said "you have a package!" And in that package was the best surprise ever... My wonderful mommy sent me my favorite peanut butter with a smiley face spoon, an adorable picture of someone I love more than peanut butter and chocolate (my awesome little brother), and a super sweet note. I'd just like to point out that my mom is the greatest and has never failed at making me feel known, special, and loved. She is just great and I love her very much.

my new home.

In case anyone was wondering.... this is what my dorm room looks like (at least my side)! It's very spacious and we try to keep it clean. I actually try very hard to make my bed everyday. My roommate brought a sweet flat screen TV and we have cable and a dvd player and a mini-fridge and microwave too! All I have underneath my bed is two laundry baskets and a shoe organizer thing, so we don't have a lot of clutter either. I really like my room. Our dorm is in the middle of everything on campus (yummy dinning hall right across the street and student union is right next store and all my classes just around the corner!) and our room is only two flights of stairs up. I love it.

days like today.

Today was such a great day. My friend Jenn and I did all of our favorite things! First, we spent about an hour and a half at a used book store called "Redeemed". I bought three beautiful, old books. One is as old as 1898! It was so hard to limit myself. Then we went to a coffe shop called Sinatra's Coffee Gallery. They actually play Frank Sinatra and it was the cutest coffee shop ever (and delicious)! Then the two of us just drove around and found fun places to take pictures. A field, old barns, cows, signs, and doors are just a few of the things we captured. Afterwards, Jenn and I headed down town to walk around and ended up grabbing some coffee and listening to a very talented acoustic guitar player and singer. If I could describe a perfect day, it would look like the day I had today. The weather was gorgeous, I love books, coffee, jazz.. Frank Sinatra, taking pictures, beautiful scenery, the city, good music, and great company!

i'm in college.

Goodness.. I don't even know where to begin! Well, I am officially a college student.. just completed my first week of classes and I'm completely settled into my dorm. I absolutely love this campus and my classes! It's so great with professors that actually care and are passionate about what they teach! Makes a HUGE difference. AND there are so many things to do! Hopefully, I will be participating in Hall Council for my dorm "Freddy" as the Community Service Chair. And, I am also looking forward to being apart of the Student Activities Committee for the entire school body! Oh, and my roommate is awesome and her name is also Kelsey! We get along really well.

College has really been a rollercoaster of emotions. Saying goodbye to my parents and brother and my few really great friends was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do! Somedays have been good.. meeting friends and feeling as if I belong. But there have been a few moments that I feel unlikable and that making friends is something that will never happen or be easy. But wonderful people keep graciously reminding me that those things take time and it's only been one week. Other than those few moments, college has been awesome! I absolutely love going to classes and I have the greatest schedule! Taking naps is so stinking great... I don't even mind doing my dishes or my laundry! Being a big girl is very cool. I definitely feel as if I've grown up in the past week. I still have so much to say, but I think I'll space it out and put more fun pictures up.

book review: Glass Castle.

I had to take a lot of deep breaths while reading this book. It's an amazing story of resilience and brokeness and family. There are just so many things one can learn from this woman's childhood. Not even sure how to start telling someone why I love the book or why they should read it. After every few pages, I would just look up and say "Really?". There are just so many things that surprised me and startled me and made me sad and happy and hopeful and lost and upset. It definitely stretched my perspective on the type of people that live around me and made me very grateful for the life, parents, and childhood that I had! I really hope you get the chance to read this book. It is definitely my favorite book that I have ever read... no joke.

Embraced New York.

Just got back a week ago from my mission trip to New York.. It was so crazy! The city was so amazing.. I'm in love with it. There were so many people of all different backgrounds everywhere! There were so many different smells (good and bad) and noises and so many things that take your attention. We were able to visit all the boros except for Staten Island. They were all so different. I think Manhattan may have been my favorite. I liked the energy in TimeSquare and I also really liked Harlem. Not really sure where to begin with the trip. It wasn't exactly what I expected. We were able to do a lot of "behind the scenes" serving which isn't what we are use to with mission trips. Normally we are constantly with kids and people. But I think it was a good stretching opportunity for our group. I know I definitely was surprised and God used it to teach me some good things. One of my very favorite sites we helped with was a place called "God's Love, We Deliver". It's an organization that delivers hot and frozen meals daily to people that are unable to leave their homes and make meals for themselves due to an illness (HIV/Aids, MS, cancers, Alzheimers.. etc.) It all started with one lady just taking notice of a neighbor who had Aids and she just started doing his grocery shopping and cooking for him. Now the organzation serves 14,000 meals A WEEK!!!! This gives me so much hope. God is so much bigger than I ever give him credit. So in a very small summary, that was New York. I can't wait to go back!!

summer bucket list.

go on a hike.

go camping.

take 10 really cool pictures.

make a family/friend photo album.

bake something new.

make dinner for my family.

make dinner for a different family.

have a legitimate slumber party.

go on a scavenger hunt.

host a trililogy movie fest with friends.

spend an entire day in the Loop.

go to Kayak Coffee shop.

go to the zoo.

go to the muny 3x's.

walk Forest Park.

have a picnic at Forest Park.

go to Shakespeare in the Park.

go swing dancing.

paint a picture.

try out some Indie music.
go to an art show.

learn about a culture.

go to a concert.

learn about a historical person.

read 3 books (atleast).

go antiquing/garage saling (with anna).

watch all the movies on my list.

do random acts of kindness.

do something crazy &/or spontaneous.



There's the list! Hopefully I can fit it all in. I'm going to try to take pics of each thing and post them so be on the look out. So glad it's summer!

to be confident.

My prayer right now... I want confidence. The confidence to obey God when he asks me to do something that takes courage. Or the confidence to obey Him when He says it's time to give something up. I want the confidence to be who I am in all situations and around all people. To be who God created me to be in every relationship. I want confidence in Jesus. To follow him no matter what it takes. The confidence to let Loving God and Loving people be the center of my world. I want the confidence to not only dream up what my life and this world could look like but actually achieve those dreams. I wonder who I'd become if I'd actually receive the confidence God desires to give me. I guess "confidence" could be interchangeable with "trust". I desire to trust God in everything.

for me??

Umm... I WON an iPod Touch the last day of camp! So crazy. They did a drawing of names tags of people who volunteered to help pick up trees & brush around the camp ground (had a bad storm a few weeks before.. lots of damage). Funny thing is: I ACCIDENTALLY ended up helping for an hour the first day. AND my name was only drawn because one of the ten (out of like 50 other name tags) picked had already won an iPod... so they needed to pick another and it was ME! Nothing like this has ever happened to me before! Still pinching myself.

last year of camp.

my church family: camp blessing #1

my youth pastor & great friend: camp blessing #2

my girls: camp blessing #3

My last year (as a student) at camp! I've been going to Pinecrest Camp since 3rd grade.. that's eleven years! It's always been a wonderful time of just hanging out and having a blast. This year was perfect. Had a great speaker and a talented and fun worship leader. Plus the games were fun and the food was delicious! I always love camp just because I get to know my church family, my girls especially. We have such a great time just being with one another and goofing off. One of my favorite times is when we re-cap the week together on the last night. It's cool to see that God is actually doing stuff in people's lives. I've learned not to let camp be my emotional high for the year or to just let this time of escape from life be wasted. Last year it really did mark a time in my life that God just shook up my priorities. I learned that life is about loving God and loving people and that truly is all that matters. This year God showed me I'm not following him in everything. I'm still trying to control things and I'm not trusting Him. But I'm also learning that all of this is a process. It's ok to allow God's love and grace into my life. I'm so thankful for God's patience. And for all of these wonderful people in my life that love me for me and that spend life with me.

parental date night.

My daddy and moma and I went on a little date the other night. The three of us headed down to a place called Forest Park and went to Shakespeare in the Park. We had some lattes and watched "The Wives of Windsor" ( set in the 1930's) in our lawn chairs. It was completely free and perfectly beautiful outside! I had so much fun. I really do have the greatest parents in the world. I'm continuing to realize just how much they have sacrificed for me and just how blessed I am to have been given parents that love me so much. It was a wonderful night. Definitely soaking up these moments!

feels more bitter.

Wow. I can't believe I did it. I went on a REAL road trip! No parents and no plans.. with my own money and my own friends in my car! Kelsey, Meg, and I (also known as Nora, Bella, and Riley- our fake names we told the people we met-haha yeah, we're weird) left in the early morning for a 15 hour trip to Hilton Head, South Carolina! We beached and played and shopped and tanned and had an amazing time being big girls and making our own plans and doing whatever we wanted! It was perfect. Can't believe I am allowed to do things like this now. But it's bittersweet. Being away this last week and coming back to my family and my friends gave me a feel for college. It's going to be hard. I hate not talking and being a part of what went on in my mom's week. I hate not having fun with my brother or knowing what he did his first week of summer (found out he hung out with girls! NOT ok!). I hate not hugging my daddy after his long days at work and missing out on his silly jokes. And I hate not being a part of my church family's week. Seriously, I have to go to college? I don't want to miss these things.

graduation pics (the party).

the huge yummy cake.

cake with decorations.

just one of the many creative ideas via my mommy.

my wonderful chef uncle dan making fettucine alfredo for 1,000's.

the left over fettucine alfredo.

lots of wonderful cards.

my family made me cry... alot.

the "treasure box" filled with notes and the picture board of my life.